The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
