my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
