look no pants
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
