girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
well you can't waste a boner
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
