So drunk its hurt
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
