I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
