after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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