it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
