she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
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