Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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