u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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