sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
