You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
