I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
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