And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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