Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Randomize
