U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
