once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
