I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
