hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
