Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
