It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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