totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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