he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
