I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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