can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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