We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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