I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
COCAINE IS GR8
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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