tonight lets celebrate not being married
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
