So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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