Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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