the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
