I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
