i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
