return my video game
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
