I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Let's paint friendship bongs
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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