don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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