I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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