What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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