I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
