i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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