If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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