so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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