it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
