Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
