Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
We're too hungover to prance.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
