Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
