I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
