My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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