I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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